Have you met the medicine man? (posting from the road)

It was up in the equatorial rainforest of Uganda that we met Tom, the local medicine man for a small village. I sat in Tom's mud hut and learnt, with the aid of an interpretor, about his practice. What I write to you all now is the truth...decide for yourself...medicine man or complete con artist.

Tom (I too laugh at the irony of the name Dr. Dean) develops a bond of trust between himself and his patients by telling them something about their lives - to me it was very reminiscnet of a gypsy at a travelling carnival. He threw some cinnonmen into a plastic basin with 5 sticks, swirled it around and then announced that I had come from afar and arrived by a truck. This really isn't that impressive considering the fact that I am blantently white and am sitting in a village that is only accessible be a winding, bumpy dirt road. But I will say...that what he said was in fact true.

Next comes the healing. After determining the issue, Tom will treat anything except AIDS (sadly the most prevelant and significant problem), he reaches onto his shelves of tools to render the correct rememdy. Gonorhhea: drink this greenish potion in the morning afternoon and evening. Losing too much blood? No worries just sip this pink potion three times a day. Malaria - chew on some leaves.

Tom does not only handle medical emergencies, he is willing to step in and tackle other everyday problems. Are you haunted by the ghost of a dead relative. Just bring him a goat, slit the throat of the animal and Tom will drain the blood through the horn of an antelope while shaking a gourd. The ghost will be gone and that night Tom will dine on the sacrifice (he prefers goat but a chicken will do).

Maybe your problem is troublesome neighbours...no worries, Tom has a quick fix. Take a branch from the nest of a chimpanzee and the skull of a baby chimpanzee and place outside the door of your enemy. Apparently they will quickly move away. (For those who are curious, I did ask...the skull can be reused so the needless killing of endangered chimpanzees to rid the world of bad neighbours will not be necessary)

Is there a chance your wife may be cheating on you? There is a twig that you can place under your bed...it will cause your wife and her adulterer to be 'stuck' together...then you can catch them in the act.

He held up a stick and told us that is what they use for women who "need lubrication". The rate of speed with which the legs of every female in earshot snapped shut was impressive. He was quick to explain after our reaction that it is the bark which when boiled makes a tea that gets women in the mood - not the stick itself. There is a similar rememdy for men except that it must be used with great caution...it works so well that it may make the man "rape" because he has to. I guess sensing the disapproval from our group, Tom explained that rape is illegal and that he takes extra care when using this powerful potion. Nice.

So what if a person is not healed after a visit to Dr. Tom? Well they should pray harder and travel to the hospital to get some tablets.

Maybe it's the cynic in me...but I didn't by it. I certainly think there is something to be said for traditional healing. Who knows what was in his potions, maybe it was some antiobiotic derivitive. Either way, I think this guy was just trying to score some free goats. I do hope there is some element of truth to his abilities however, he did "forsee" a safe airplane ride home for me. (addendum - Leila has purchased a gourd and cleanses our tent each night...so far, no hauntings...who knows maybe there is something to it after all...)