I wouldn't smoke near me if I were you...

I am going to switch back to Alta Vista. I used to always use Alta Vista as my search engine of choice. And then along came Yahoo and then Google seemed to overtake the world. And like everyone else I jumped on the google bandwagon...embracing their maps, earth, documents and translator features. Well Google - I have found fault with your translator program...apparently "just a small trim" in English translates to "hack off lots of hair so that there is no possible way I can tie it back" in Portuguese.

Realizing that there is no possible way I will be able to get my hair in any sort of presentable fashion for the wedding (the purpose for coming to Rio), I declare it an absolute necessity to get our hair coiffed for the big event. Our salon selection consisted of wandering the streets of Rio until we found a shop with giant scissors painted on the window.

Leila was far smarter than I...she pantomimed her request...no scissors...brush and style only. I thought - why not give Goggle's fancy app a try and typed in my requests. The first sign of an issue is when the lady laughed and said something to the other people working - probably either "this girl just told me to shave her head" or "this girl said she likes to eat turtles". Judging from the chuckles around the salon it wasn't something mundane like "she wants a little trim".

I did sense there was communication issue and tried to explain my requests in Spanish as well. Two huge problems with that...1) Portuguese is nothing like Spanish despite everyone telling me that they were virtually the same and 2) I speak really, really bad Spanish.

After far more hair was removed than I ever wanted and 45 min drying and straightening the few strands of hair left on my head, Leila and l emerged into the humidity of downtown Rio...and the hair did not curl. Given that my hair will fizz up if I walk too near a boiling kettle I don't even want to envision the product that is coating my hair right now.

I am sure some of you (mainly men) are asking...what's the big deal? When I travel I tie my hair back often...it's a necessity as styling(read drying) it is not possible and my hair left to dry loose on its own...not an option...I stop even resembling my passport photo - you know that has to be bad.

Here are a few take away points from this little tale;

1) if saying that if you do go to a foreign country and decide that it is absolutely necessary to get your haircut - do not use Google translator.

2) don't light a match anywhere near me for the next few weeks...I have no idea if the coating on my hair is flammable and I have no intention of washing it.