Oh Roy, oh Roy...

Our safari vehicle was loaded with Barry and I, a very nice honeymooning couple from Austria, adventurous slightly older couple from Scotland who are my new travel inspiration and Roy. Every trip needs to have a "that"guy...the one you all talk about, bond over...the common denominator that brings foreigners together. Ours was Roy.

To clarify, Roy is not a bad person. I feel it essential to establish that before I start to type all this other bollocks about him. Roy claims to be a physician from Auckland, New Zealand. Is it a lie? Maybe...there are many out there who think I'm an architect from Vancouver. (At least I picked a country I'm from and a profession I have read about) Either way, there were a few red flags that alerted us to Roy's possible fib. 1) the obvious American accent. 2) he asked me if Bigfoot was real. (I don't believe all doctors are geniuses but I like to think that years of schooling has at least equipped them to know fairy tales and folklore from reality)

Roy flew directly into the Kruger area and immediately requested to be taken to a local mall (yeah, there are malls in the area). Here here bought himself the full safari get up. Khaki safari suits, boots - I think he even had the pith hat. Commonly he was mistaken for a guide - until he spoke. Roy wasn't...what you may call talented at identifying animals. The differences between the hippo and rhino still eluded him. Despite the significant investment to travel to South Africa from New "Zealand", and the full new safari wardrobe, Roy only brought an iPhone 3 for a camera. I'm not trying to sound like some sort of camera elitist but imagine being in a vehicle with a guy trying to shot the plains of Africa with a camera phone. You don't know what it sounds like...this...

Roy - "can we go closer, I can't get a good photo of the elephant"
Guide - "no Roy, that's an African Bull elephant. They don't like to be harassed by vehicles and flipped over cars that go to close."

Roy - "can we go closer, I can't get a good photo of the lion"
Guide - "no Roy, that's an African Lion. They don't like to be harassed by vehicles and can eat us"

Roy - "can we go closer, I can't get a good photo of the hippo"
Guide - "no Roy, that's a rhino."

Oh Roy, oh Roy

PS.  I wish I had a photo of Roy...I can't seem to find one...if I do I will amend this post.

PPS.  Roy finally confessed...he born and raised in Houston, Texas.