Yesterday I got to experience a bit of local tradition…a wedding. I wish I could say I was close friends with the happy couple but I can honestly say that I have never met the groom and I allegedly attended a few meetings where the bride was present. As a foreigner in the area, this means I have an obligation to attend. The invitation wasn’t exactly personalized; it was attached to the bulletin board at work. It is unlikely that many of you will ever have this form of social obligation…but in case you do…I thought I’d give you some tips for preparing and let you know what to expect.
1. Obtain the lapa (local fabric) that the bride has selected. Make sure you pick the lapa assigned to your ‘group’ (family of the groom, coworker of the bride etc)
2. Find a tailor and order your custom made wedding attire.
3. Find an appropriate present, wrap it in aluminum foil (and be prepared to dance the gift down the aisle during the ‘presentation of the gifts’ portion of the program)
4. Plan to leave your home at least 2 hours after the listed start time. In our case was arrived 2.5 hours late, which translates to 3 hours early. Bring a book and some cash to hit up a local bar while waiting.
5. If you are an ‘ipoto’ be prepared to get paraded to the front of the hall with no regard to any social anxiety that you may have…no sitting in the back and sneaking out here!
6. People bring whistles. And the frequently blow them to celebrate their happiness. Your ears may bleed, bring some cotton.
7. Prepare for complete pandemonium when the bride and groom arrive – as in they actually cannot make it up the aisle due to being mobbed.
8. There will be a program handed out to you…it will not be followed. I can guarantee that there has never been a branch of Toastmasters in West Africa – they have no problem standing up and talking, and talking, and talking. I am talking about even the baker of the cake stands up to give a speech. Your book will be hard to read at this stage as people will continue to be staring at you and taking photos and videos…reading a book seems a tad tacky.
9. Bring some water if you choose to eat the food – very spicy. Unlike weddings I have previously been to – the food is served directly to you while you sit at your seat (no table). Here you try and balance the plastic plate on your lap while trying to identify the meat – pretty sure it was goat. Anything you don’t eat will be collected by local kids who come into the wedding scrounging for food.
10. Hopefully you remember your dancing shoes! Anytime there is a lull in the excitement, the officiant will once again call out “thanks ex-pats” and then have the DJ play a catchy little number. People will just wait for you to stand up and dance – sometimes at your seat, but also be prepared to get up on stage.
11. Be prepared to sit through a random skit. You won’t know what’s happening but at the end…Satan walks down the aisle.
12. Sometimes the wedding will be crashed by ‘traditional drummers’ who just walk around, banging on drums and begging for money. Don’t be alarmed when the police show up and remove the uninvited drummers.
At the end of the day, you will be exhausted and possessing a headscarf and skirt you will likely never wear again but you’ll be able to say you survived, and even enjoyed, an African Wedding.
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